OK, I have to admit I’m getting a little sick of all these taco joints that make a cutesy references to how their food product resembles vajheen.
This is simply unacceptable. Once again it takes gay men to enlighten the world that tacos and vaginas should not be compared for the sole fact that tacos are far superior. And here’s why:
1. You have to buy shit for vaginas. And I’m not talking about the women who own them. That’s a whole different ballgame. I’m talking about the vajayjays themselves. They need bikini waxes, sanitary items, jewelry, feminine freshness spray, douches, Monistat – all kinda crazy shit women buy for their poons. With tacos all you really need is sauce, and that shit is free at the drive thru window.
2. It takes a lot more than Beano to deal with the bloating caused by a vagina. Sure, it’s predictable, but dependable. Don’t like the bloat? Easy peasy, no tacos for you. You’re stuck with a vagina.
3. Tacos aren’t deathtraps. Do you have any idea how many people, from newborns to grown politicians, have met their untimely ends at the hand of vaginas? You read stories every day about “died in childbirth” or “had a heart attack during kinky sex with a prostitute”, but do you ever hear “Taco goes on shooting rampage?” or “Man dies of happiness enjoying Taco?”
4. Tacos enjoy a much more positive relation with fish. If I need to explain this one, you haven’t conversed with me at any length.
5. Men retain the power in their relationship with tacos. Seriously boys, have you ever really been “taco-whipped”? Just think about it.
6. Tacos never get sick. Conversely, the list of things that go wrong with vaginas is endless. They even have special doctors who make a life study of vaginas because they’re so damn complicated.
7. Tacos are much easier to get. Vaginas are expensive. Be it a $50,000 wedding, Sprinsteen tickets or a cushy government job ya gotta give something up for vaginas. Tacos? Fitty cent.
8. You can be completely selfish when you’re eating a taco. After all the only pleasure you gotta worry about is your own.
9. Tacos are a far more interesting stage topic. I’m convinced the only reason “The Taco Monologues” closed off Broadway after only three weeks is because everybody got hungry and left for a taco during intermission.
10. You can enjoy a taco in a jacuzzi without drowning. I just needed something to make ten.