My BFF is disgusting, but it’s kinda charming

So I get a text from my best friend last night, almost Hemingway-like in its simplicity:

“I’m pooping.”

I’m horrified. I text back:

“Gross.  Who DOES that?”

Let the record show I meant “pooping”, but he took it to mean “texting while pooping”.  He responds:

“I was bored!”

(That is, of course, unless he understood what I meant, in which case he meant to say he had nothing better to do, so pooping was the only option for breaking the monotony although he didn’t really have to.)

I can’t let him get away with it. He must fully understand my deadpan. I write:

“I mean pooping.”

He’s a bit of a realist. He responds:

“Your Mom poops. Everybody poops.”

I reply:

“I don’t. I gave it up for Lent.”

Here he apparently lost interest in my genius deadpan and my inner dialogue continues:

“It’s not Lent, and you’re not Catholic.”

“Really, I just told you I gave up pooping for Lent and you seem to think the most ridiculous part of that statement is that I’ve given up something for a religious season I don’t habitually observe?”

“Well, no. You can’t give up pooping.”

“I’m not doing it, am I?”

“I am.”

Aaaand we’ve come full circle.


About AbFabSkyLife

Travel & Dining Writer. Gin Drinker. Papaya Promoter. Karaoke-ista. Living Aloha. My own opinion and not that of my employer.
This entry was posted in Toilet Humor, Wacky Friends. Bookmark the permalink.

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